Blood boiling hot as lava,
Heart pounding louder than any drum,
I try to take a breath,
But my throat squeezes shut;
Not letting me.
I can feel tears slowly creep up to my eyes
Ready to expose how much words can hurt.
But I will not let them come;
No, I will swallow them down.
I will act as though I feel no pain,
And that it does not matter.
But it does.
Oh, it matters more than you can imagine.
And the more I try to push the pain down,
The harder and faster it comes back.
Burning like red hot flames,
It consumes everything in its path.
With this new flame comes the voice of Revenge.
Quiet at first, he whispers into my ear,
“Are you going to let them talk to you like that?
You don’t have to put up with this.
Come on, fight back.”
His voice is comforting, inviting.
I want so much to listen to him, and I do.
Every word he says.
Every picture he draws.
How great it would be to see their hurt faces,
To throw their words right back at them.
“Yes, yes, yes… that’s right!
Show them what it’s like to be hurt.”
His voice is getting louder with every thought of mine.
Until it is the only voice I hear.
The screams of Revenge.
“Draw your sword!
Plunge it right through them!
They deserve nothing better!”
Slowly I reach for my sword.
The handle is cool and familiar.
I have used it many times before.
I pull the sword out of its cradle with grace and expertise.
The chilling ring of it being unsheathed screams in my ear,
Making a shiver run down my spine.
I look at the object that’s now in my hands;
It’s smooth, sharp blade glistening in the sun.
“See how that weapon shines,
All you have to do is thrust it through them
And all the pain will be gone.
Just remember what it’s like all the other times you used it.
Remember how sweet it tasted to give them what they deserved.”
Yes, yes, you’re right.
It really did taste sweet.
My memories agreeing with all that Revenge is saying:
The power I felt when I saw their shocked faces…
“Yes…”
As I hit my mark…
“That’s right…”
Showing them that I wasn’t so fragile…
“Yes, yes…”
That I wasn’t so helpless…
“Go on…”
Showing them that I was not a shattering vase,
But a rock;
Cool and calm.
Not letting anything break me.
“Their faces, remember their faces!”
Oh I remember their faces; every detail.
Their eyes, when they cringed shut because of the pain.
The blood drained faces, horrified at what I had done.
The look of hopelessness in their eyes,
As I quickly pulled the sword from them and let their bodies fall.
With these memories comes shame,
Shame that hits me harder than any wave can hit the rocky shores.
What have I done?
I look at the sword in my hands
Its razor-sharp edge just waiting to be used.
The blood of its last victim no longer apparent on its polished blade.
What was I about to do?
Still looking at the weapon of destruction in my trembling hands
I slowly let it slip to the ground.
“What are you doing?” screams Revenge.
“Pick up your sword!
Don’t let them get away with what they did!
Pick up the sword, you fool!”
His voice is no longer comforting and inviting but hard and cruel.
He is now showing me his true colors, and they are not pretty.
“How can you do this?
You weakling, pick it up and fight.
Listen to me.”
The taste of Revenge is no longer sweet on my tongue,
But bitter as it goes down my throat.
“I said listen to me!”
“I will not.”
The voice comes from deep within me;
Quiet, but confident.
“What did you say?” hisses Revenge.
“I said ‘I will not’ listen to you.”
The words start to echo through my head.
Until they become like rays of light;
Exposing every hateful thought and destroying it.
“No!…”
With this bright light comes the voice of Forgiveness;
So full of love and truth, He speaks to me,
“Do not listen to the hurtful things people say.
They are in as much pain as you are in,
Maybe more.”
“No, no, no… That is not true.”
The high pitched cries of Revenge trying to get through,
Trying to be heard.
“How can they feel the pain you do?
There is no way they are in pain.
Well…” his snake-like laugh coming in nice and clear.
“Not yet.”
“Silence Revenge!” booms Forgiveness;
His voice calm but firm.
“She has made her choice.
And it is not you.
So by the power vested in her I order you to leave…
Now!”
The sound of His voice shakes every ounce of my body,
Cools my hot temper,
Calms my thumping heart
And silences Revenge.
The battle is won.
I let out a large breath;
One I did not know I was holding.
I look down to see my sword lying on the ground,
The very sword that would have been my downfall.
Forgiveness speaks softly to me in an encouraging voice.
“My child, do you know what you need to do?”
“Yes”
“Then do it and become truly free.”
Tears spring to my eyes as I slowly bend down to pick up the sword
And take it to them.
It looks exactly the same,
But somehow different:
Its purpose has changed.
It is no longer an object of destruction but of peace,
No longer a weapon but a gift.
As I get to them, I kneel down at their feet.
Tears now streaming down my cheeks,
I put the sword in their hands.
And with every ounce of my body
I open my mouth to speak those words that are so hard to say.
“I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for any pain I have caused you.
Please, please forgive me?”
Without an answer I wipe the tears from my eyes and rise to leave,
Knowing that it is not what they say that matters,
But that I am walking on the right path;
The path of Forgiveness.
