Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Smell Before You Eat

This is a true story, because there is no way I could make it up. Though, due to the fact that I was not there and that I was getting the story from two or three people at once it may not be totally accurate. 

On our regular weeks my mom will usually go up to the city to this ladies' meeting. It's a place where several women will gather together and study the Scriptures (Bible) and talk about it. A nice time for my mom to get away from the little ones (my siblings... not me, because I'm always awesome to be around). Afterwards she will go grocery shopping.
 
   Usually she will take friends of ours with her, so that they could go to the study and shop and spend sometime with the gals (Girl Power!). Sometimes my younger sister and/or I will go with her too. This time my sister got to go. I find later that it was a good thing for me that she did, otherwise I would have been one of the victims.

As always I'm getting ahead of myself, so let's see if I can't start from the beginning (is a good place to start).

If you you were wondering. The answer is yes, I do have ADD, or how I like to call it ADHTF (Attention Deficient.... Haha, That's Funny)

Anyway, onward with the story.

  The story starts at the ladies' meeting. They all must have been talking about each other's lives I'm guessing (total girl-talk), because somehow one of the ladies mentioned that her leg was really dry and itchy. I have no idea how this subject came up and I'm not sure I want to know either, so don't ask. Anyway, one of our friends suggested this rash powder called... (not making this up) Anti-Monkey Butt. Yeah, I know... Wow, right?

   As I said before, "there is no way I could make this up". If you don't believe me here are the pictures to prove that it's real.

   Obviously the whole group had a great laugh and the lady that had the  dry skin decided to go find it when the meeting was over. Whether it was because she really believed my friend that it would work, or that she just wanted to see if she could just find it. I don't know. I mean, if I were the lady I wouldn't give up the chance to have in my possession something that had Monkey and Butt in the title. That's just too priceless to me and not to mention a great ice-breaker.

   Now the meeting's over and both parties are off on their quest. One, purposelessly searching for monkey butt powder. The other unknowing that they were soon to come across something... else (you don't actually think I'm going to tell you what it is yet, do you?).
   Remember both stories are important in discovering the point of the this tale.

    We will first follow the party looking for the powder. The lady with the dry leg ended up taking another lady from the group to help her find the outrageously titled rash powder, because she also wanted to buy a bottle. (Who wouldn't, right?)

   Well they get to the nearest store that they thought might carry the monkey butt stuff. Sure enough, the store carried it. In fact they not only carry it, but they only had one bottle left on the shelf. Since the ladies needed two bottles they decided to ask one of the employees if they had any Anti-Monkey Butt in the back. Of course the man had to check if they did. And of course he "had" to use the overhead speakers to get that information.

   When I think about this part of the story I wonder how this might have brightened someones day. Think about it. Imagine a mom who has had just a crummy day so far. She has her screaming toddler in the shopping-cart seat while in her hands she juggling a cellphone and the grocery list. She's just about to break-down just like her toddler when over the loud speakers..... "Do we have any,uh... Anti-Monkey Butt in stock?"
   Hearing that she would probably start to laugh. She would then laugh so hard she'd accidentally drops the phone, which hangs up on the person that she had been trying to get off with for the last half an hour. Which in turns makes her laugh harder, because she has no idea how she would ever explain to that person why she hung up on them. Seeing mommy laugh, the toddler in turn stops crying, then he would start to giggle, then as laughing as hard as his mom.
   Finally the mother composes herself. Wipes the tears from her eyes. Picks up her cellphone. Reaches in her purse. Pulling out a pen and begins to write on her list one more item. Anti-Monkey Butt.
   Hey I know that it's unlikely, but when you put monkeys in the mix... anything can happen.

Now back to the story. (Remember ADHTF)

   While all that was happening the second party; my mom, sister and friends are shopping at 888 Asian Market.  Looking through some of the exotic fruits my mom comes across a odd spiky fruit called a durian that looked something like this. >>>

   She thought that it looked very odd, but beyond that she just went about her merry way, until they were all looking through the frozen food isles. They had decided to try something new and the rule was that whatever they picked they all had to take a taste of it. There were many odd and bizarre things for them to pick (being an Asian food market. (not trying to dis the Asians, I think you guys rock, but you guys have to admit, you have some odd food)). Like, red bean popsicle, green bean popsicle and other stuff that they couldn't remember the names of, so I can't give anymore examples to you.
Not being able to bring themselves to try those, they continued to look around. Finally my mom came across durian popsicles. Thinking that that would be the best choice, being a fruit and all, they grabbed it.

   As they were about to leave one of our friends suggest that maybe they should ask someone about the durian fruit before buying it. Finding someone she asked what the durian tastes like. At first the lady said nothing. Then our friend asked her if it tasted anything like a pineapple, because in an odd-sort of-not really- maybe if you squint and cock your head to the side-no the other side- kind of way it looked like one. The lady slowly started to shake her head "No" as though not knowing what to say about the fruit.
   "What does it taste like?" Our friend asked the lady.
   "Umm, well it has a pretty strong smell to it." She replies vaguely.
   "Does it taste good?"
   "Well... I don't really like it, but my mom does. It's just too strong for me."
   With that answer you'd think that they would have decided, just to be on the safe side, to put the durian popsicles back and forget about tasting something new. Unfortunately you would be thinking wrong. (saw that one coming, right?) They thought that because it was a popsicle that it wouldn't be as bad. What they didn't know is that they were making a horrible mistake. (This is the part where you make the "duh duh duhhhhh" sound effect, just so you know.)

   Once they all got to the car my mom takes out the box of the mysterious fruit popsicles. She opened the box and that's when it began. My sister said she knew right then and there that she wasn't going to even open the packaging of the popsicle let alone taste it. The smell was awful, but my mom seemed determined to fulfill the agreement.
   So she passes out all the popsicles to everyone. My sister just stared at hers thinking, If this how bad it smells in the wrapping there is no way I'm opening it. Apparently my mother and friends were a lot more brave, because each took a taste. My mom said, "I ate three bites thinking that it just might get better, but nope. It didn't".
   Now knowing how bad it tasted and how horrible it smelt, my mom came up with this brilliant idea. The kind of ideas that usually end up effecting us kids more than her. The kind of idea that people run in terror from, screaming: "I dropped my purple slippers!" Okay, well that isn't exactly true, because I never actually heard a person scream that, but you never know, there is always a first time for everything.
   Anyway, the brilliant idea was to bring what was left of the smelly popsicles home to... you'll never guess. Us! That's right. My mom thought it would be a great idea to bring the stinky fruit to us kids that had the luck to stay home.
Well you will be happy to know that it never made it home. as it turns out, that even wrapped, out in a box, and then put in a cooler still doesn't kill the stink. After coming out of the grocery store my mom opens the back door and the next thing they know she was opening the cooler and throwing out the box saying, "This stuff has got to go". So thankfully the people at home were spared.

   Now for those who don't know, a Durian fruit is a very interesting but smelly subject. It's considered a rare  delicacy in parts of southeast Asian. One fruit cost about 50 American dollars. The tree that produces the fruit has to be 15 years old before it can bare the spiky fruit. Millions are said to love the taste of it though I doubt many people could say the same about the smell of it.
   Because the smell of the fruit is so putrid, when it is in season, hotels and restaurants have to keep an eye out for people trying to smuggle it in. Yes, you read right, people are now smuggling stinky fruit. (What is the world coming to?)
   The smell is described, and I quote, "The smell evokes reactions from deep appreciation to intense disgust, and has been described variously as almonds, rotten onions, turpentine and gym socks."  Some say it smells like dead dog or dead fish and custard. (Who has smelt dead fish and custard before, is what I'd like to know.)
 
  But how do both stories tie together you might ask. Well after they had tasted the fruit and while they were still in the grocery store my mom got a call. It was the lady with the Anti-Monkey Butt.
   As my mom listened to the lady's story she began to laugh harder and harder. She finally handed the phone over to  her friend who in turn listened to the story.
    Now both are laughing in the middle of the store, because they have realized that they both know exactly how to describe the smell of the durian fruit.

So from then on I will always remember the day that my mom came across the Monkey Butt Fruit. 

The End

If you thought this story was funny then please copy and paste the link, and send it out to your friends. Who knows  you just might brighten someone else's day, or at the least warn them about the Durian or how my family calls it.. The Monkey Butt Fruit.  :)